This Floating Excrement Was Far Too Symbolic! It's the Television Letdowns of the Past Year.

As we consider the television offerings of the recent year, a handful of shows emerge not for their brilliance, but for their spectacular failures. Ranging from cringe-inducing sequels to bafflingly poor documentaries, here are the programmes that had us utterly bewildered or just reaching for the remote.

And Just Like That

How to start with this divisive follow-up? Plagued with woeful writing, painful character development (we demand better for Miranda!), and a mere 71 seconds of fan-favourite Samantha, the show struggled to find its footing. For a moment, as the final series began, it looked like it had at last hit its stride. Then arrived an installment all about Seema’s natural deodorant. No wonder the creator declared this would be the final season. It concluded on a low point; the lingering shot of Miranda’s loo flooded with poo was simply too on-the-nose. Still, fans undeniably had a hoot dissecting every single “what on earth?” episode. And as Carrie – once again single – twirled around her palatial townhouse to Barry White, who couldn't release a little sob?

All’s Fair

‘Can Kim Kardashian act? The answer is a resounding no.’

But that was practically the least of this show's issues. The subject of a very rare no-star review, it was hard to know where to begin listing the problems. The hilariously leaden dialogue? The tedious glorification of affluence and materialism? The almost wilful parade of tropes? Acting so poor they felt borderline malicious? Suffice it to say “each and every one” and forget about this show again. Except, a second season has been ordered, so we’re likely going to have to.

The Charlie Sheen Documentary

Considering the legal troubles, domestic violence claims and fatherly failures, it’s reasonable to say Charlie Sheen has been a troubled figure. Not that you’d really have known it from this multi-part documentary which smirked its way at Sheen’s various episodes of self-destructive hedonism while struggling to tell us a single thing we didn’t already know. Instead, it felt as if this volatile personality was being pandered to, so any sympathy this series might evoke should be saved for the people who have had to suffer proximity with this charismatic but flippant narcissist.

The Iris Affair

Naturally we understood it was preposterous from the get-go: a drama about a AI known as Charlie Big Potatoes that could either save the world – or annihilate all of humanity. We persevered out of pure love for its stars … but by the end, it felt like even they had given up trying. One barely reacted when his character died, and the other ended up slicing Charlie with an axe … in painfully slow-motion. Talk about giving up the ghost.

MobLand

Dodgy characters meeting in deserted boxing gyms? A certain band's Firestarter jackhammering away in club scenes? The late 90s called and wants its gangland drama back.

In truth, that is unfair on the crime shows of the late 90s. Many look a bit old-fashioned now, but at least they didn’t endure the embarrassment of having to accommodate baffling accents. But there were many other issues. Primarily that it was just really dull; a dispute over narcotics territory between various cockney picaresques which seemed a bit basic.

With Love, Meghan

Given the extent to which she provokes the ire of the nation’s ostentatiously angry commentators, it’s almost tempting to applaud the Duchess of Sussex’s televised ventures into quaint lifestyle as intentional provocations. But then you watch them and are compelled to admit that actually, they may have a point. It’s like watching a lifestyle catalogue come to life; a poster for wine o’clock with delusions of grandeur; a procession of snoozing dogs, humming beehives, Hallmark platitudes and forgettable crafting “hacks” you’ll forget instantly. All underpinned by vast, mostly unearned wealth. Ugh.

The Beckham Documentary

There are obviously interesting things to be discussed about both Victoria Beckham and her journey with vocation, identity, self-worth. But for whatever reason, this documentary series opted not to say them. Instead, the experience was like reading a sales catalogue. She clearly has every right to resent what she describes as her “stern” image. But sadly, she didn’t do herself any favours with this cagey non-event of a series.

The Game Show

It should have been the next big hit – except even more extravagant, with a glamorous star playing dead and a well-known personality overseeing her inheritance. What more could you want? As players battled it out, there was plenty of backstabbing and squabbling. But the rules quickly became bewildering: it’s even now too confusing to detail what exactly was happening. Even more regrettably, we only saw glimpses of the star via prerecorded videos. The series ended up reeking of a production that was straining desperately to emulate something far greater than it.

Too Much

How do you follow a show that defined a generation? The expectation was immense for this starry romantic comedy about Jessica, a hopeful New Yorker who arrives in London with a shattered romance. The star took her biggest role by the horns and was a delight to watch, embodying Jane Austen levels of romantic notions. But it was all very glossy and, paradoxically, was insufficient. Plus, the abundance of famous cameos involved felt icky.

The Sketch Show Return

Not even good enough to be ‘uneven’.

Given the shrewd recruitment of talented younger comics, hopes were high. But unhappily, most of it didn’t land. A recurring sketch was a single joke stretched to a dry pulp but recurring in every episode. One star seemed too willing to slip into a well-known irate mode. The behind-the-scenes sketches, meanwhile, simply provoked the idea that they should probably have stayed in there a while longer.

The Twisted Tale of Amanda Knox

This dramatisation of the story of Amanda Knox was executive produced by Amanda Knox and pretty much exclusively showcased the viewpoint of Amanda Knox. So, while there probably is an compelling drama to be made about the tragic 2007 murder, this isn’t it. The material needed to be handled with care. Instead, the series struggled painfully to find the right tone, lumbering from strangely jaunty, slightly stylised farce to ultimately, real-life horror. Twisted? Perhaps. A complete mess? Absolutely.

The Maths Genius Thriller

We admire the star … but did we buy him playing the most brilliant maths genius since, a man so intelligent he’s on the brink of a breakthrough that could ruin society? Nope! This international thriller about government agencies spying on – and eliminating – intellectuals frankly got more farcical by the second. Silliness-by-numbers.

1000 Men and Me: The Bonnie Blue Story

This uncritical portrait followed the online personality renowned for explicit exploits as she undertook her most extreme feat yet. What on earth would possess her? What we craved was way more interrogation of her actual psychology, plus those of the men in the line. They could at least have spoken to the legendary mum who appeared to drag her son away from the queue. What we got was disturbing imagery and absolutely no critical analysis of her notoriety whatsoever. It's staggering to consider, the filmmaker has a teenage daughter too.